Cancer sucks

||: Hi lovelies, I read a quote earlier in the week and it’s been irking me. Like the thinking out loud girl I am, I feel compelled to write about it because what I’m about to share affects most of us at one point or another. So strap yourselves in, because this is a long post.

This quote rubbed me the wrong way as soon as I read it. It had a nasty sting in its tail and summed up my very strong opinions about what I call ‘positivity‘ or ‘inspiration’ porn’. I’m not going to post the quote for copyright reasons, but the gist of it was this: ‘our pain is a gift and we can harness that pain into passion and other good stuff. Be grateful for your pain, as it has many lessons to teach us.’ Well. I. Call. Bullshit (hello bullshit? Are you there? It’s me, Em … yes, I’m calling to report about how skewed the positivity and happiness movement is. Hello? Hello?! Ugh.)

so here’s a question (one I’ve asked before) … WHY THE HECK WOULD I BE FEELING GRATEFUL WHEN I HAD A HUGE LUMP ON MY NECK AND NOW NO VERTEBRAE?! Has having cancer given me any wisdom I could hammer into gold? NOPE. It has been one of the most horrific experiences of my life. Well, shame on me for not gleaning anything out of the near month hospital stay, constant fevers, puking, surgeries, and rashes. At this very moment in time, I am terrified, miserable, and in pain.

Here’s the thing. So many people have fallen into the happiness trap where every experience – good, bad or indifferent – is a chance to learn something positive about ourselves that we can share for the greater good. Well, I’m here to tell you that that’s not true and you shouldn’t feel guilty into thinking otherwise. I tend to look at things through the lens of reality.

If you’re going through crap, you have every right to be pissed, to wallow and even scream. We’re human and not every freaking thing is a lesson or a chance to be more ‘enlightened’. A hyper-positive attitude is never going to get me through cancer. It is more down to sheer will, the marvels of modern medicine, prayer, the love of my family and friends and the knowledge that I have no other choice except to go on.:||

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